Sunday, April 29, 2012


I am so fucking angry.  Agitated.  Irritated.  I want everyone to shut the fuck up.  I want everyone to go the fuck away.  I am so ugly.  I want to beat the ever-loving shit out of myself.  I HATE. 

I hate everything.  I am not helpful.  Or kind.  Or patient.  I serve no purpose. 

This process takes too long.  Help is so slow.  I do my best to smile through it all, but I am up, down, sideways, upside down; there are no words to describe how I feel.  I swing back and forth in such a violent way that I hurt.  I fucking HURT. 

It's like a death shake.  I'm in the jaws, bloody and screaming, flinging back and forth. 

People want me to make decisions and I CAN'T!  I CAN'T!  DON'T FUCKING ASK ME TO MAKE UP MY MIND!  MY MIND IS NOT HERE!

I would cry but I have forgotten how to cry.

Is this what it feels like when a mind winds down?  I am fighting to hold tight to who I think I am ... but it's all slipping away.

What if I disappear?  Will anyone notice? 

1 comment:

Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment.
Regards, TMR