Before I begin I think it is important to note that these posts are very difficult for me to write. I force myself to power through because it is important that I document these days as I search for balance in my life.
The posts are difficult in that I am forced to read and re-read them over and over again. When I read, I click my teeth once for each word on the page. If I lose my place or train of thought, I have to start over from the beginning. I usually write these posts in a very short period of time, all at once, and then read them over and over again, clicking my teeth or tapping my face, and then hit send -- never changing a thing from the original post.
This is just one part of the whole messed up picture. Still - I work, love, live, do. I persevere.
I love my therapist. She is intelligent, funny, respected among her peers, and has been doing this work for over 30 years. She knows her stuff and it shows. I feel safe in her presence. She focuses on results and that is something I appreciate.
I did most of the talking today (don't I always?). Today she said, "I have to remind myself why we are here because, as a general rule, bipolar people are very entertaining. You are no exception."
Among other things we confirmed some of my diagnoses (after consult with the psych doc), and it is a considerable list:
Bipolar disorder - rapid cycling
Anxiety disorder, to include hypersensitivity to sound and self harm
OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)
Impulse control disorder, to include neurotic excoriation
Binge eating disorder
There is more, but the issues fall under one or more of the above-listed disorders. We have a lot of work to do.
We discussed my apprehension regarding Lithium, and she made it very clear that it was worth trying, so I will - starting Tuesday - after my next therapy/psych appointments. I need to have an EKG before we begin Lithium therapy (I completed all of the blood work, etc.), but finding the time to get this done is difficult in my busy life. Tomorrow is the day.
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