Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Asking for help

Today I said the following to a dear friend and my therapist:  "Losing your greatest asset - your mind - is a scary thing."

It is scary.  It is frightening as hell to agree that you need help and submit to an intensive outpatient program or inpatient care.  How do I know that I won't be one of those crazy fucking whack jobs running through the ward halls with my ass hanging out, drooling, screaming...

How do I know?  My mind fails me all the time.  I no longer trust what is real.  What if I walk through those hospital doors and never exit?  What if I am lost forever?

My therapist assures me that things will get better and that I will be better and that I will get my life back.  I don't know what to believe.

Do you have any idea how brave one has to be to walk through the doors of a place and not know if you will ever exit?  I will - very soon.  I am scared to death. 

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Regards, TMR