Saturday, June 30, 2012


I am in SO MUCH PAIN.  Erythema Multiforme is pure torture.  I am essentially being burned from the inside out and will lose the skin on my arms, thighs, and entire back.  I think my upper chest will be spared, but that remains to be seen.  Every moment is an eternity.  There is no possible way to get comfortable.  I've tried.

My entire body is affected - from the tips of my toes to my jaw - and my ears.  I'm in shock most of the time because it is so overwhelming.  There is absolutely nothing to do but wait it out and hope that it does not get worse....but it will.  Even though I stopped taking the Lamictal two days ago, it will continue to poison my system for the next 6 +/- days.  I am unable to leave the house because I scare people.  My body is on fire (102.9 at last check) so if the sun hits me ... I'll just go ahead and avoid finding out how that feels.   

Erythema Multiforme /Lamictal Rash
I've made the decision to stop all treatment for bipolar, etc.  The treatment has been much worse than the actual disorders.  As I've said in previous posts, I've managed to stay alive for 40+ years - it was touch and go there for a bit with 2 suicide attempts - but I can figure out the next 40 years and look for help when required.  This current situation may very well kill me if it spreads to my internal organs.  Now is the time to bow out and admit that some people will not find a pharmaceutical answer to their problems.

Odd, really.  I begged to die for so long and now, when faced with this challenge, all I want to do is to make it through this and live - mostly because this is a slow and tortuous way to go.        

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Regards, TMR